i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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