Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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