Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
