Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
