rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
