where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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