I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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