I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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