i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
