There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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