So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
