i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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