At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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