I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
