i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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