i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
