If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
