woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
