When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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