yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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