UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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