I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My vagina is officially offended.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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