There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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