I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
