and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
