I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
