I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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