Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
