I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
