I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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