News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
