This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
