I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
