how do flat chested girls get laid?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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