You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
