I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
