There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
