Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
