watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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