at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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