If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
