You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You are a genius and a whore.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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