It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
