Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
