Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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