you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
