So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
