my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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