I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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