all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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