Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
