I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize