We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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