I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
