Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
