just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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