I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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