yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Randomize
