I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize