A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize