The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Are we still banned from the library?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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