I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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