Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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