i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
