I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
