Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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