Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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