He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize