I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
