Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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