It's Friday. Sex?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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