Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
