we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
